Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Minding Your Mouth in a Public Forum: or why Em is an idiot

The saga continues, I've moved again from living with my parents back in my old bedroom to staying on a futon in the garage of my best friend forever Nifty Nige. Things had been going ok there and I was hoping to stay and save some money until moving in with my friend Emma in November, but that was not to be.

Long story shorter, a cousin of Mum's who had friended me on facebook read a status update on there that I had made in jest and immediately called my parents to find out what was going on.

Mum had a bee in her bonnet about some pillowcases I had borrowed and not returned, I got sick of explaining that she would get them back when I managed to get all my stuff back and had time to go through the hundred or so boxes. Right here I'll admit that I am pretty terrible at looking after things and the move was messy, it's entirely possible that they are lost forever.

Mum and Dad were not particularly fond of Ten, my partner, and seemed to expect me to get over the breakup more or less straightaway. It's only been a couple of months and I am still pretty shattered. I find it extremely painful to talk about him, Mum kept talking about him and his faults. So I pretended that it was because she had been bitten by a spider and was feeling so awful that she didn't understand how painful a breakup can be and kept rubbing salt in the wound by constantly bringing him up.

It frustrated me and I vented on facebook, honestly thinking nothing of it. My comments were never meant to be hurtful, but they resulted in Mum and Dad kicking me out at a time in my life when I very greatly need their help. I got home late at night to a quite horrid confrontation and was told that I was no longer welcome to stay with them. Oh I know, I'm a grownup and I should be looking after myself, but sometimes in life (particularly when you have a chronic illness) you need looking after.

I guess it's a lesson in how carefully words need to be guarded in a public forum.
What was for me a vent, was for my Mum extremely hurtful. What was no doubt genuine concern on the part of a relative, lead to homelessness and separation from my family. Sure, my parents may have overreacted but I can definitely understand where they are coming from.

So for now, I'm living day to day. Most of my money is going on petrol because Nige's house is a fair way out from town, gawd knows what I will do if my car fails. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping like hell that my centrelink application for Austudy is succesful, otherwise I don't know what I'm going to do. Either Tafe or EA will have to go, given how much I have lost already it's a pretty horrifying prospect.

I'll keep updating this blog as I can, hopefully in a month I will have somewhere steady to live and a computer/scanner to use.

Is Emerald Arts worth it? Sure the place looks great, but it's a continuous uphill struggle and with no support and next to no customers (they've been digging up the street outside for the last three weeks, the construction noise and roping off cuts me off from them). How do I know if I am a good enough artist to justify all this other crap that my obsession with the place has caused.

I'm at the end of my rope.


Renee said...

Okay tie a knot and hang on.

You will be okay Em.

I think that your parents need to be a little more understanding and not make this about them when clearly it is about you.

You need help and maybe home is the place where they just cannot turn you out.

Love you dear girl and be strong.

Your break up with Ten must still hurt terribly.

Love Renee xoxo

Emerald Arts said...

Oh Renee, you're so amazing, I can feel you hearting me from halfway across the world. It really does make me feel so much better.

I think I can say that I am well on my way towards being ok. Staying at Nige's is a godsend (so to speak). He has known me for such a very long time, so he knows how to cheer me up. I'm in good hands don't worry.

Will write more in a bit, am off to a friends house for some much need partying ;)

Love you,


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