Emmeline is back and feeling you have no IDEA how much better.... probably because I've figured a few things out lately. Sort of.
Taking on Tafe and Emerald Arts in the same year was a big task. I had scheduled myself Mondays off, thinking that one day of chilling would be enough to see me through for a while. Then I forgot to chill and got worn out. I didn't factor in catching germs, moving house and... well, life in general really. So I got sick, a lot, and missed Tafe classes and had to close EA a couple of days last term. That made me worried, which probably made me more sick, and I fell down in a bit of a heap.... and it seems that when I fall down like that, Ten falls down too and he withdraws into Ten world where I can't get to him.
We had a big talk, discussed the stresses we have been under and I told him how I need to know that even if we are freaking out like people do sometimes, we have to know that we can count on each other. Not having our own home may suck, but where we're staying is lovely and we are so lucky that Scott and Julie are looking after us. How many bosses would let their employees do that eh?
Anyway, I explained how much it shook me when he stayed out. How technically after epipen I should be checking myself into Emergency or at least be under supervision. He said that he was stressed and we've been fighting lately and that he just needed time out. I said he had really bad timing. He said he loves me, of course he loves me, but it's just hard when I'm sick all the time. So we're drawing a line under it as a really bad aberration, and starting again.
I did a stock take at Emerald Arts last week. I tallied up what was in the store against what I have on my spreadsheet and everything except one rabbit was accounted for. Guess I did learn something at business school ;) Looking over everything made me realise just how much I have achieved in the past year. I might not be rolling in it, but I am starting to be able to pay my own way... slmost... and here is a list of the things I have designed this business year to sell:
- Fold Your Own: Origami Crane Strand Kit - Voodoo Susan kit (sewing) - Widget the Brave kit (sewing) - Creatures & Dreams Vol 1 & 2 (colouring books) - Book Art Vol 1 & 2 (colour art zines) - The Sketchbook Adventures of Emmeline Stronach (mini-zine) - 35 origami crane strands - Fourty paintings - 95 Creatures (hand Sewn toys)
There's stacks of other stuff but I'm bored of lists now so whatever :P
So yeah, I have been like really REALLY busy, and in being busy totally forgot to take time out. Oops. Just thanking my lucky stars that until we find a house I don't have to freak out about lack of $ for a while so I can concentrate on rocking my tafe assignments, kicking butt (artisticly speaking) in the Hunter St Mall and making time for Oh NO They Didn't and hanging out with my friends.
My new resolution is that I'm not going to stress about anything. Worrying is such a waste of time, far more useful to think "it will all work out" and "I totally rock" than omigodeverythingstoohard
Right then, here are some pictures of my new creatures... I'm off to read Famous magazine in the sunshine out the back, day off biatches ;)
The more comic book style bunny. Does not have a name yet.
If you're wondering why there is blue smudging near the mouth, that is fabric marker. I draw the smiles on first to get them right.
add to that a bit of dancing around to my favourite music videos and the realisation that I need to make my own happy, not rely on others for it, and your Emmeline is feeling recharged and ready to kill it in the Art world once again.
Created this lady in Digital class this morning. It's not for anything, and definitely not for sale, was more of a learning exercise... trying to figure out on the computer how artists like Audrey Kawasaki, Catherine Campbell, and various art deco luminaries made these enigmatic creatures.
So there is mine. Hope you like it.
Feeling a bit low today, then feeling a bit mad at myself for being a loser and letting my emotions get the better of me. I left a message on my Dad's phone early last week, crying in exhaustion that I couldn't go to Melbourne because I have assignments due the week after and had just had a bit of an argument with Mum. Apparently he tried to call me several times but because Ten had my "home" mobile phone as his broke, I never got it. I meant to call him on the weekend, but then everything fell apart with wheat and Ten and I never got around to it. So now, no going to Melbourne to the Flower Drum, no visiting the special Hand Held Gallery that stocks Book Art. No Fitsroy and alleyway awesomeness. All my own stupid fault for being a drama queen I guess.
I guess it and the wheat were sort of a lesson, I have to learn to make sure I'm ok so that everything else doesn't go to shit. I have to get as much sleep as possible and stay healthy as I can. I have to make sure that my plates and knives and scourers are mine only and not contaminated. Will have to become a label nazi. No one else can make Emerald Arts or Tafe work. If I give up on the idea of something (like going to Melbourne) because I think I don't deserve it, then of course no one else will want to go.
Sometimes though, oh man I just wish I could hand the reigns over for just a week or so. Let someone else to the marketing, the media releases... actually maybe I could just swap bodies with someone... then they could do all that stuff and I will take their body to a beach somewhere and spend the whole time drinking beer and eating stuff like hamburgers and corn fritters and ice cream cones :P
Almost back to normal after a very unawesome saturday night. Was making nachos and trying to get Ten to cheer up (he's been a bit of a grumble bum lately) so we could go out to a party, when I started feeling wierd. Heart racing, power of speech almost lost, was very disorientated, felt like I was impartially watching wierd things happen to my body. Went to the bedroom to have a lie down then somehow my messed up brain realised something was really wrong so I made Ten get my epipen, just in case. I'm not sure if I was in denial or it's just been so long, but for some reason I was sure it couldn't be wheat, even though wheat eating people use the kitchen here everyday and there are a million ways contamination could have happened.
All in all it took about 20 mins for me to realise what was going on then use the epi. Ten seemed very shaken, our friends arrived ready to take us to the party, I figured I had all this energy anyway so I might as well go (adrenalin, believe it or not, keeps you awake for aaaages). Stupid me, but I didn't want to be left home alone and I didn't want to have to beg Ten to stay with me, cos I feel like he misses out on enough things because of my illness anyway. Should really have just stayed home though, because I'd left it so long to take the epi and I was so far from being ok. Ten left the party we were at to go and hang out with the boys, I hung out for about half an hour then went home.
Couldn't sleep, as is always the case, lay on the bed thinking of a thousand different ways that wheat could kill me and figuring out a plan of attack so this NEVER has to happen again (impossible but a girl can try). Still no word from Ten, messaged him to ask where he was but nothing back. He didn't arrive home till eleven the next morning, I told him that I was scared and didn't understand why he would leave me on that night of all nights. We argued, I started to pack my bags, he cried and told me he was sorry and that he knows he's been treating me like shit lately, we patched things up but I still feel like I can't trust him to look after me.
Having a girlfriend with a chronic illness can't be fun, I know, and financially he has supported us both for the last year while I try to get Emerald Arts up and running. But I can't help feeling like I'm pretty far down his priority list, somewhere after hanging out with friends and going out drinking. It seems like every time I get really sick or need his support he falls down... whereas I can be sick, working on an assignment, making stock... and I'll still make him dinner and make sure we have enough clean clothes. I need to find a way to get him to understand how important it is that I know he will be there if I need him, but I'm sick of nagging him to care.
Sorry, that's all rather depressing, but I have a right leg that feels like lead and am not feeling my usual chirpy self today. So I'm making pretty pictures on photoshop instead. Let's just look at those and forget about problems for a while...
We're doing abstract paintings next in class, so I've been making small watercolour studies that I will then (hopefully) blow up large scale and paint in acrylics.
Spiky tropical fishy.... not sure if I like this one.
Ugh, butterflies. I wish I could love them.... I tried.... but I think Mariah Carey has ruined them for me.
A jelly blubber in amongst the seaweed. Which brings me to last week's amazing art shop find. I went in to get a couple of different sorts of paper so I could experiment with watercolours and was talken into buying a pack of little A7 books. For a whole $12 I got ten different books, watercolour paper, acrylinc painting pad (which this was created on), oil painting paper, tracing... such an all sort.
I think the jelly blubber works better in the first one, but I like the seaweed surround better in this one.
So that's me for now. Pretty wiped out at the moment so I'm going to have a nap before trying to do any more work today. Annoying because I missed Tafe last week due to illness, have to try to stay away from people as much as possible so I don't get sick again, can't miss any more class. I love it too much. Anyway, don't fret, your Emmeline is going to be ok, just taking it easy for a bit.
Spent Mother's day helping make lunch and taking photo studies for my Still Life painting assignment. Also took some shots of our family photos and the paintings that I grew up with. This is Dad when he was a little tucker. So cute. Landscape: Rod Bathgate. So amazing. He paints a lot of different waterscapes, but his rock pools.....
Landscape: in the entrance at Barker Street. I love how warm it is, it's almost pulsing
Cassandra and Emmeline
Own life drawing, hangs in Mum's room, made about eight years ago
You would not believe the struggle it took to get Cas to wear this dress on the day, she absolutely hated it because it was brown and the collar was scratchy. Eventually Dad had to leave the photographer's studio to get her lollies to calm her down enough to pose for this.
Great Grandma Lawn (on Mum's side) with her father, Cas with Dad.
Mumoir and I
This is the view that we saw from the house where I grew up. It's in a suburb called Dudley, which is about 20mins drive from Newcastle (which is the town you can see on the hill). It's probably my most favourite landscape ever, because it was my view, my beloved view.
Enigmatic painting, reminds me of F. McCubbin's "Lost".
Mum's favourite, she hearts Still Lives... which is good because now I have to paint one ;) Speaking of which, I'd better stop procrastinating and get some work done.
Me at the sticker making day in the Front Room Gallery at school. The girl off camera had just asked me if I was ready to stick mine on the wall.
Needless to say I took it home instead :P
Mucking around with sepia ink in class. Cherie showed us how to paint/draw wet on wet (which sounds way dirty but it's not). Basically you lay down a really light wash, vauguely in the shape of the model's body, then you fill in details using ink on a paintbrush, or fountain pen, or bamboo stick... whatevs really
Was massively fun, hypnotising self watching ink spread on paper... going to try it out with my metallics and see how it goes.
Wow you really can't see the details on this one, but I kind of like that. Not particularly fond of the boobs, but I like the legs.
Sketches for the third volume of Creatures and Dreams (my colouring in book). Need to work on the left side of the tail on the bottom bird. The bird in the square is a cover idea. The rabbit... couldn't figure out how to do the legs then I accidentally wrote over that part... might try digitally finishing it.
Right then, off to scramble my sculpture sketchbook into some kind of order for assesment tomorrow. OMG sculpture tomorrow means pouring plaster into my clay skull mould! I'm going to mix sparkly things in with the plaster.... hopefully my gruff but awesome teacher Peter doesn't mind gold ink :P
As always, I had the greatest of intentions... yesterday was meant to be interwebs catchup day. I have at least 200 pictures from Lismore and the school holidays art classes that I haven't uploaded yet and so many emails to reply to, blog RSSes to read and celebrity gossip...
but then the computer bluescreen of DEATH kept whirring at me every time I tried to do something, so I gave up and read the bits of the Sunday paper I like instead (those which I was too hungover to read on Sunday, hehe oh celebrations).
You see, my best friend Mazzie has moved up from Canberra and we've been celebrating pretty much every day since Saturday. I think we may be taking tonight off, but there's still some champers left so possibly not :P Anyway, here's a picture post of what I have been up to today, redecorating and painting things at Emerald Arts:
The tree mural is coming along nicely. Only the upper branches left to paint (they're currently drawn on with charcoal) and then I can stick on all of the...
...incredibly awesome leaves that my students have made me :)
Celebration and HOORAY people, the plumbers have finally fixed the hole in the roof... therefore the front windows don't have water pouring through the light fittings and I can put stuff on display again. So, I created what I hope is a tasteful Mother's Day display, without mentioning the day itself. Still in two minds about that...
Pinned Candy's beautiful felt pins and hairpieces to a display board I upcycled a while ago. They are so understated and lovely, makes one feel fancy without going over the top. Trying to locate my blazer so I can wear one on the lapel.
Barbara's beautiful pottery on display with a feather painting of mine that promptly fell down as soon as I had taken the picture and then refused to stay up no matter how hard I tried to make it stick. Not quite sure what to do there.
This wall is still in a state of flux, thinking about making it a "stuff in progress" spot, because I took all my sketches down from the back wall to make the tree, now I have no where to put them.
Built myself a couple more canvases so that I can experiment some more with painting water and layering irridescence and shiny inks and things. It's nice to have a play every few hours once a layer has dried. Gives me a chance to step away and think about stuff.... ok, I've definitely had too many coffees and am now withering and talking crap :P Might just go read Oh No They Didn't a bit then.....